Adult Toys Facts & Myths

Myth: Sex toys are only for people who have a bad sex life, or no sex life:

Sex Toy Fact:
 Everyone and anyone you can image is the kind of person who uses sex toys. In fact research on vibrator use suggests that people who are having sex use sex toys more than those who aren’t, and that between 20-30% of people have used sex toys at least once in their lives.

Sex toys aren’t a crutch or a cure-all, they are an addition to sexual repertoire.

Myth: Sex toys are addictive:

Sex Toy Fact:
 Addiction implies harm, and there is nothing harmful about using sex toys (as long as they’re used properly).

It’s true that people can become used to using sex toys, and even come to rely on them, but there is no “withdrawal” and anyone can easily get themselves back to masturbation or partner sex without sex toys.

People who suggest that vibrator addiction is real tend to be people who think that any sex toy use is too much sex toy use.

Myth: If a woman has a sex toy, she won’t need a man:

Sex Toy Fact:
 Sex toys are not replacements for people. A sex toy won’t make you breakfast, or cuddle, or tell you how much it loves you.

Many men are intimidated by sex toys because they have been raised with the idea that the most important thing about them is what’s between their legs. These myths about male sexuality sink in early, and as a result most men are insecure about their sexual importance.

Also, let’s remember that there are lots of women who don’t want a man in the first place, and a sex toy isn’t going to change that one way or the other.

Myth: Guys only use sex toys because they can’t get any “real” sex:

Sex Toy Fact:
The cliché about men and sex toys is the guy in the raincoat, buying the “masturbator” and watching porn in his basement while masturbating.

The reality about men and sex toys is that millions of them use them, in one study it was 21% of respondents, both when they are in relationships and single.

The best way for a man to become a better lover is to learn more about his own sexual response.

Masturbation, with or without sex toys, is the key to this, and to learning to control ejaculation. Using sex toys doesn’t mean a man is a loser, it means he’s smart, and likely to be better in bed for it.

Myth: Sex toys make sex less natural:

Sex Toy Fact:
Most of us are raised being told many lies about sex among them that “natural sex” means one thing only. Is drawing less “natural” when we use a pencil and paper? Is painting more “natural” if we use our own blood, rather than paints?

Of course not. Yet sex is somehow less “natural” if we use tools and toys to make it different. Sex toys are animated not by batteries but by our imaginations, and using sex toys is as natural as the people using them.

Myth: There are bad sex toys and good sex toys:

Sex Toy Fact:
 With the exception of a few sex toys that pose obvious risks, there is no such thing as a “good” or “bad” sex toy. Sex toys are whatever we do with them.

A vibrator that would be too strong, too heavy, and painful for one person might be perfect for another. A dildo that feels sticky and looks weird to one, might be the ideal shape, size and texture for another.

The trick is to find the sex toy that’s right for you, but most sex toys will be good for some people, and bad for others. A great way to do this in the comfort & privacy of your own home is to contact your local Pure Romance Consultant!

Myth: The more you pay for a sex toy, the better it is:

Sex Toy Fact:
A $6 vibrator might give you more pleasure than a $300 vibrator. More expensive sex toys should last longer, be made of better materials, and maybe come from smaller, more ethically run companies, but they won’t necessarily feel better or give you more pleasure.

Sex toys are like most other commercial products in that the budget ones will do the trick, and more often than not, that’s all we’re looking for.

Myth: Sex toys are kinky:

Fact:
 Words like “kinky” and “normal” are completely relative and while they may govern what you feel comfortable talking about (or doing) in public, the sooner you realize that everyone is “kinky” behind closed doors, the happier and less stressful your sex life will be.

Sex toys don’t make sex kinky, and using them doesn’t “say” anything about the kind of person you are, other than the fact that you’re the kind of person who feels worthy of sexual pleasure. Which is a highly respectable reputation to have in any social circle.

Myth: Sex toys can cause damage to your body:

Sex Toy Fact:
 Those people who would rather us not use sex toys at all come up with a variety of arguments for why they are bad. They’re addictive, their weird, and if you use them you can ruin yourself for “real sex”. For starters, “real sex” is any kind of sex you’re having or thinking about having.

Also, there is no evidence whatsoever that sex toys can damage or harm your sexual sensitivity or genitalia. Of course you could always poke out an eye if you don’t use your sex toy properly, but the same is true of your can opener, and no one’s telling you to throw that away.

Men + Multiple Orgasms???

It’s definitely not an urban legend; although male multiple orgasms do sometimes take on something of a mythic quality (take, for example, Sting).

The good news is that men can, do, and have had multiple orgasms for thousands of years. Taoist teachings on sexuality that go back farther than that give explicit instruction for men on how they can experience multiple orgasms. Western sex researchers have also studied this experience in men and found clear physiological evidence that it happens. Also, it seems that many men can learn to have multiple orgasms.

The sort-of bad news? Learning to have multiple orgasms takes a fair bit of time and practice. Also, multiple orgasms means that you are having a series of non-ejaculatory orgasms, so while they aren’t necessarily better or worse, they are definitely different than the kind of orgasms you may be used to experiencing.

The more good news? Learning to have multiple orgasms means you will also be learning to control ejaculation, and you will learn a lot about your own sexual response, which is great news regardless of the final outcome.

Is Our Sexuality Being Overmedicalized?

The release and subsequent multi-billion dollar success of Viagra may have forever changed the way we think about sexuality. With a few exceptions, prior to Viagra the business of making large sums of money off sexual behavior was left (mostly) to pornographers and the sex trade.

While there were medical and pharmacological interventions designed to improve sexual function, the machinery of the scientific academy and the huge pharmaceutical industry didn’t pay that much attention to sexual behaviors and response.

Pioneering researchers from Richard von Krafft-Ebing to Alfred Kinsey to Masters and Johnson’s and Helen Singer

Kaplan have contributed greatly to our understanding of human sexuality, but they were exceptions to the rule.
For better or worse, things have changed.

These days there are academic positions in departments specifically for studying sexual medicine, and drug companies are putting serious money behind researchers who are looking for the next blue pill that will make them billions.

There are wannabe-celebrity sexologists (who look suspiciously like the celebrities they want to be) who are shilling everything from sex toys to complete sexual makeover spas.

The questions remain: are pharmacological fixes what we need more of? When it comes to sexuality are social factors more important than medical ones? And who sets the agenda for these issues?

Current Status

Once they had successfully addressed male sexuality with Viagra (ignoring the fact that Viagra doesn’t work for a large percentage of men, and it doesn’t address psychological or social issues of male sexual concerns) pharmaceutical companies turned to the newly created Female Sexual Dysfunction (FSD), to try and fix a problem that many argue is still largely misunderstood and understudied.

Proponents of pharmaceutical solutions like to quote a very misleading statistic suggesting that 43% of women suffer from sexual dysfunction. This statistic has little scientific credibility, but serves to highten the public’s belief that there is a crises in female sexual functioning.

In 2004 the first product created to treat FSD was rejected by the FDA. The rejection was based in part on concerns raised by a group of scientists, researchers, physicians, and activists, who pointed to the lack of long term studies and the small actual gains reported by users in the clinical trials.

Since that failure there has been a strong campaign to keep the issue of testosterone in the media with the same articles appearing time and time again.

Background

Finding “cures” for real or imagined sexual “ills” is nothing new. From snake oil and sugar pills to popular soft drinks, potions and pills promising increased virility and potency have been around a long time.

Today just take a walk through any health food store, or surf an online drug or health food store and you’ll find sexual “supplements” creams, and ointments designed to make sex better, make you last longer, make your toes curl and your hair stand on end.

What seems different today, and what is certainly more worrisome, is that companies are no longer simply inventing “cures” for specific ills, they are manufacturing ills to match a pre-existing cure. Some women’s health advocates argue this is precisely the case with the misleading and misunderstood diagnosis of female sexual dysfunction.

Can Sex Toys Cause Yeast Infections?

Yeast infections are incredibly common. Some studies estimate that three out of four women will get a yeast infection in their life, and many women get multiple yeast infections over their life.

While there are several known risk factors for yeast infections, you probably won’t be surprised to hear that there hasn’t been a lot of research on sex toys and yeast infections.

Many sex toys are used only on the outside of the body, and these should have no impact on a yeast infection. For sex toys used internally, it’s most likely that any connection to yeast infections will be indirect.

Still, it’s worth thinking about and doing what you can to avoid anything that would encourage a yeast infection. Here are some potential ways that using sex toys might encourage a yeast infection.

Some personal lubricants are thought to increase the chances of getting a yeast infection, particularly for individuals who are prone to yeast infections. Because lubricant is important to use with sex toys, it may be that a yeast infection after sex toy use is the result of the lube and not the toy.

Friction Irritation. Most sex toys that are used for penetration create significant friction, particularly with vigorous use. The friction may irritate the skin and the irritation. Friction can break down layers of the skin or vaginal mucosa and this can compromise the protective barrier that healthy tissue normally provides.

Allergic Reaction. You may have an allergic reaction to the sex toy material or the lubricant you are using with the toy. The allergic reaction can also cause irritation and lead to increased yeast infection risk as above.

Bladder Infections. Whether from friction and improper sex toy cleaning or a reaction to the sex toy material, using sex toys can cause bladder and/or urinary tract infections. Because bladder infections are treated with antibiotics, and antibiotics in turn promote the growth of vaginal yeast, this can be another indirect way that using sex toys might increase your chances of a yeast infection.

Antibiotics. Finally, if you do get a bladder infection and are prescribed antibiotics, these increase the risk of a yeast infection.

Reducing the Risk

Here are some things you can do to reduce the risk of getting a yeast infection via sex toys:

• Avoid lubricants with glycerin, a great one for women prone to infections is Just Like Me original 
• To reduce irritation from friction, use plenty of glycerin-free lubricant, and reapply lubricant if using toys for a longer time period.
• When choosing a sex toy, purchase higher quality materials that are easier to keep clean like hard plastic, metal, or silicone.
• Always wash your toys, WITH A PROPER TOY CLEANER (such as come clean), let them air dry, and store them properly (the Sugar Sak is an anti-microbial storage sack & a great way to prevent infections when toys are properly cleaned with a safe, gentle toy cleaner).

Female Sexual Responce

Masters and Johnson were the first researchers to propose a “four phase” model of sexual response. They conducted experimental research with adults, both observing adults engaging in sexual behaviors, and measuring what happens to the body during sexual behaviors.

While this description of female sexual response can be a helpful way to start thinking about your own sexual response, try not to use it as a strict guide to measure yourself against. For one thing, the description only deals with physical changes in your body. Your sexual response is much more than blood flow and lubrication.

If you’re experience is different it doesn’t necessarily mean there is anything wrong with you. While there are some generalities, the reality is that everyone is different, and everyone’s sexual response may be a bit different too. There are limitations to the research that Masters and Johnson conducted, and some researchers argue that separating sexual response into stages doesn’t make any sense at all.

Here is what Masters and Johnson found to happen during the four phases of the sexual response cycle for women.

Phase 1 of the Female Sexual Response – Excitement

In response to sexual stimuli (whether psychological in the form of sexual thoughts or fantasies, or physical in the form of physical stimulation) vaginal lubrication will usually begin. There are many reasons why women may have less (or no) vaginal lubrication, even when there is excitement and arousal. Other physical changes may include:

• Vasocongestion will result in the clitoris becoming engorged.
• The size and shape of the labia may change.
• The inner two thirds of the vagina may expand.
• There may be an enlargement of the breasts.
• The skin may become flushed, women may experience heightened sensitivity in parts of their body, like the nipples.
• Some increase in heart rate, blood pressure, and muscle tension.

Phase 2 of the Female Sexual Response – Plateau

With continued sexual stimulation this phase represents the time between the initial arousal and excitement, up until orgasm. Physical changes during this phase may include:

• A continued swelling of the tissues in the vagina, which may be accompanied by contractions of the vaginal opening.
• The clitoris can withdraw into the clitoral hood and the external clitoris can shorten in size.
• The labia minora increase in size and turn a reddish-purple.
• There may be a sex flush, muscle tension, increase in heart rate and rising blood pressure.

Phase 3 of the Female Sexual Response – Orgasm

Masters and Johnson description of female orgasm does not include any information about female ejaculation accompanying orgasm. Physical changes involved in female orgasm may include:

• Contractions of the pelvic muscles around the vagina.
• The uterus and anal sphincter also contract in a throbbing or rhythmic way.
• Muscles may spasm, blood pressure and heart rate reach a peak.
• The contractions (which occur at different speeds, and in different amounts) are usually what are experienced as highly pleasurable feelings of release.

Phase 4 of the Female Sexual Response – Resolution

Resolution phase refers to the period of time immediately following an orgasm, when the body begins to return to its “normal” state. This phase includes:

• Blood that had engorged areas of the body now flows out, swelling decreases and eventually muscle tension and skin flush go away.
• A general feeling of relaxation.

Source: Human Sexual Response, W.H. Masters & V.E. Johnson, 1966.

Does Circumcision Decrease Sexual Sensitivity?

This is seen by many people as a form of genital mutilation, similar to what they do in west/central/northeastern Africa to women, practice aimed to decrease sexual sensitivity and pleasure.

Many researches have revealed a decreased penis sensitivity in the case of circumcised penises. But a new research made at the Department of Psychology of McGill University in Montreal comes to challenge this. The authors say that sexual sensation in circumcised and uncircumcised men may not be so notable after all. They made genital sensory testing on circumcised and uncircumcised men during states of sexual arousal and non-arousal.

The results revealed no difference between the two groups in sensitivity to touch or pain. "This study suggests that preconceptions of penile sensory differences between circumcised and uncircumcised men may be unfounded," said lead author Dr. Kimberley Payne.

"People have been arguing about the sexual effects of circumcision for at least 1,000 years and I hope these data will encourage more research," said co-author Dr. Yitzchak M. Binik, Professor of Psychology at McGill and Director of the Sex and Couple Therapy Service of the McGill University Health Center.

The authors signal that the scar tissue formed from circumcision, but also the functional and mechanical changes linked to sexual activity, are factors that could have secondary effects on the genital sensitivity and should be investigated in future researches.

"In this fascinating study performed by renowned sexual medicine researchers, not only do they dispel the myth that the glans penis is more sensitive in the uncircumcised male due to the protective function of the foreskin, but they show that both circumcised and uncircumcised participants were less sensitive to touch overall during sexual arousal. This appears to be an important factor in the normal sexual response and pleasure," wrote Irwin Goldstein, Editor-in-Chief of The Journal of Sexual Medicine.

"While more research is needed, diminishing genital sensitivity during sexual arousal may be an important factor helping protect against pain during sexual activity."

HELP!!! I Can’t Orgasm!!!

There are many reasons why someone may feel like they can’t orgasm. The first thing that’s important to know is that just because you aren’t having orgasms, and even if you’ve never had an orgasm, that doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t have an orgasm. It’s also worth pointing out that there are lots of great sexual acts that don’t involve orgasms. But if you’re goal is to orgasm, read on.

When people email me with this question, which they do with some regularity, I start by asking a few questions of my own. Questions like:

• Have you ever had an orgasm (and yes, this includes an orgasm from masturbation)?
• Do you masturbate with any regularity?
• Do you think you’d know an orgasm if you had one?

The first question is important because, particularly for women, many people who have never had an orgasm simply need the right information to know how to have one.

On the other hand, if you’ve already had orgasms and you can’t orgasm, it’s probably not something as straightforward as knowing where to touch yourself and how.

Not that one situation is more hopeful or hopeless than the other, they’re just different and the paths to orgasm may be correspondingly different.

The masturbation question is important because if you aren’t having orgasms, it can be much easier to learn to orgasm through masturbation than through sex with a partner.

If you aren’t comfortable with masturbation it can make the process a bit more difficult (though again, not impossible).

Once we’re passed the preliminaries, it’s time to do some sleuthing and figure out what might be the reason you can’t orgasm.

The best way to do this is start to think of the component parts involved in orgasms and see where there might be something getting in the way. First, consider where the problems may be happening:

• Are you not feeling any desire for sex, which in turn leads to you not wanting or enjoying sex, and therefore not orgasming?
• Do you want to have sex (the desire part) but find that once you start having sex you don’t get very turned on (the arousal part)?
• Do you want to have sex, get turned on, but find you can never quite make it over the top to have an orgasm (the actual orgasm part)?

Next, think about some of the more direct causes of not having an orgasm. Here is a list of some of the main reasons people have difficulty orgasming.

When Your Body Can’t Orgasm

Because orgasm is an event that involves so many systems in your body (neurological, anatomical, muscular, hormonal, respiratory, the list goes on) there may be physical reasons you aren’t having orgasms. Reduced sensation as a result of paralysis, aging, or some medications, the indirect effects of chronic illness and some diseases, and physical effects of medications can all get in the way of orgasm. 

 

If you can’t orgasm a good first step is to talk to your family doctor to either rule out, or discover, potential physical causes. The good news is that there are very few purely physical causes of orgasm that can’t be worked around.

When Your Mind Can’t Orgasm

Many definitions of orgasms describe orgasm as equal parts mental and physical experience. So it makes sense that our mental state, both how we feel and how we think, can get in the way of our ability to orgasm. 

 

In order to orgasm you need to be able to relax, focus, and concentrate enough to take in the pleasurable feelings. Mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, PTSD can all make it difficult to orgasm. Aside from mental health labels, if you’re feeling very stressed out, very down about yourself, or generally “off” it can prevent you from experiencing orgasm.

When Your Relationship Can’t Orgasm

It’s not uncommon for someone to be able to orgasm during masturbation but have difficulty orgasming with a partner. If you’re consistently able to have an orgasm when masturbating but never do with a partner, there may be one of few things getting in the way. 

 

The easiest one to fix is when the problem is one of sexual technique. It also might be a problem in the relationship unrelated to sex. While this isn’t necessarily the case, having an orgasm requires relaxation and trust, and if you’re in a relationship that doesn’t feel safe, or where there isn’t enough trust, orgasms may not come. 

 

Lastly, if you are having orgasms on your own but can’t with a partner it may be related to pressure or anxiety you’re feeling during sex with your partner.

How Medication Gets in the Way of Your Orgasms

Many different medications can get in the way of you having an orgasm. 

 

Medication can impact orgasm either through direct effects on your body or indirectly by making you feel more tired, reducing your ability to concentrate, or negatively affecting your mood. 

 

If you can’t orgasm and you are taking any medication, check with the doctor who prescribes the medication.

How Sexual Technique Gets in the Way of Your Orgasms

The right sexual technique won’t guarantee an orgasm, but without it the chances of having one go way down. 

 

Fortunately, the right sexual technique to achieve an orgasm isn’t rocket science. What’s needed is the right amount of stimulation, in the right area, and of the right kind. 

 

Once you know how to give yourself an orgasm it’s just a question of taking that learning into your sexual relationship with a partner.

How Society Gets in the Way of Your Orgasms

This may be one of most subtle influences on your ability to orgasm but it can still have a powerful effect. Here are just a few of the ways that society and the culture around you influence your ability to experience orgasm:

• Quality and amount of sex education you receive
• Messages you were raised with and contend with today about your body
• Values and beliefs about sexual health and sexual pleasure
• Values and beliefs about sexuality and gender

The impact of being inundated by sex negative messages should not be ignored when considering why you may not be having orgasms. This is particularly true for women who are routinely told that “good girls” aren’t sexual and that they must hide or be ashamed of their sexual desire and power.

When You Can’t Orgasm

Psychological Difficulties with OrgasmPhysical Difficulties with Orgasm

More Orgasm Difficulties

Why Can’t I Orgasm with My Partner?Drugs That Impact OrgasmDelayed Orgasm

Orgasm Disorders

What Is Anorgasmia?Female Orgasmic DisorderMale Orgasmic Disorder

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• Can’t Orgasm – Psychological Barriers Preventing Orgasm
• Sexual Worries About Faking Orgasms – Concerns About Partners Faking O...
• Faking Orgasms - The Who, How, and Whys of Faking Orgasms

Can Vibrators Kill Pleasure?

Does long term use of a vibrator (by a woman) for sexual stimulation cause any sensitivity problems or orgasmic difficulties? 

This is a very common question that is related to that other common vibrator question: can I become addicted to vibrators?

It’s not surprising people ask this question.

Most of us are raised with the message that sexual pleasure, if allowed at all, comes with a heavy price.

Whether it’s an unwanted pregnancy, a sexually transmitted infection, or simply the fact that the teens who have sex are always the first to be killed in horror movies, we’re told over and over again not to trust anything that seems too good. Researchers are not immune to these biases:

• Helen Singer Kaplan, a key figure in the development of contemporary sex therapy, argued that vibrator use could lead to women being unable to orgasm from non-vibratory stimulation, without any evidence.
• More recently a group of researchers in Michigan cast a clumsy net over sex toy use, drug use, and non-monogamy, and suggested that sex toy use is linked to risky sexual practices.

The short answer to your question is that currently there is no research that suggests there are negative consequences in terms of sensitivity or orgasmic difficulties for women who use vibrators.

But there has been almost no research in this area at all.

Here is what we DO know.

A 1996 study, which is one of the only studies of women who use vibrators published in a peer reviewed academic journal, surveyed women vibrator users about their behaviors and patterns.

They found that of the women who regularly used a vibrator for masturbation, half were also masturbating in other ways, without the vibrator.

While a majority of women did report that their orgasms felt stronger with a vibrator, less than 10% of the women who said so reported that they could only have an orgasm with a vibrator.

While there haven’t been any studies that have actually looked at the impact on the genitals from regular vibrator use (in fact it wasn’t until 2000 that researchers even started to explore what could be considered normative genital sensation for women) there is plenty of research on the impact of vibration on nerves and muscle function.

Mostly these studies are done in the area of occupational safety, and look at what the impact is of holding a tool that vibrates for long or short periods of time.

One study which had people hold a vibrating object for 30 minutes (which is as long as you are supposed to use most standard vibrators) found no long term sensation impairment, and no significant problems in motor control following the exposure.

That said, it is expected that if you’re using a powerful vibrator you will experience some reduction in sensation immediately following.

But this isn’t permanent, and I should point out that the same is true for any form of intense stimulation.

In terms of sensation, there is no evidence that vibrators cause any permanent change in physical sensitivity or sensation.

It’s also not uncommon for some people to get used to vibrators and then feel as if they need them to have an orgasm. But this is rarely the case.

References:

1. Davis, C.M., Blank, J., Lin, H. “Characteristics of Vibrator Use Among Women.” The Journal of Sex Research Vol. 33. Issue 4 (1996): 313-20.
2. Malchaire, J., Rodriguez Diaz, L.S., Piette, A., et. al. “Neurological and Functional Effects of Short-term Exposure to Hand-Arm Vibration.” International Archives of Occupational and Environmental Health Vol. 71. Issue 4 (May 1998): 270-276.
3. Vardi, Y., Gruenwald, I., Sprecher, E., et. al. “Normative Values for Female Genital Sensation.” Urology Vol. 56. Issue 6 (December 2000): 1035-1040.

What are Microbicides???

A “microbicide” is a substance that can substantially reduce transmission of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) when applied in the vagina. 

Like today’s spermicides, a microbicide could be produced in many forms, including; gels, creams, suppositories, films, or in the form of a sponge or a vaginal ring that slowly releases the active ingredient over time.

Microbicides are not currently available, but scientists are pursuing over 60 product leads.

What kinds of microbicides are they trying to create?

Scientists are presently exploring developing three different types of microbicides. Among these are substances that:

• kill or immobilize STI pathogens;
• block infection by creating a barrier between the pathogen and the vagina; or
• prevent the infection from taking hold after it has entered the body.

Other important information about microbicides

Microbicides will not replace condoms as the preferred option for better protection against HIV and STIs.

But they will be an option for people who cannot or will not use a condom, and particularly for women whose partners refuse to use condoms, or women who fear violence if they request condom use.

Also, since STIs are caused by different pathogens (some viral, some bacterial), there will not be a microbicide that works against all STIs at the same time.

32 Random Facts About . . . Sex

During 30 minutes of active sex, the average person burns approximately 200 calories.e On average, adult men think about sex every seven seconds.e Having sex at least once per week can lower a man’s risk of heart disease by 30%, stroke by 50%, and diabetes by 40%. It has also been shown that men with an active sex life are more likely to live past 80 years.f The average size of an erect penis measures between 5 and 6 inches, while the average size of a flaccid penis is about 3.5 inches.e The sperm count of the average American male in 2008 was down nearly 30% from the sperm count of an average American male 30 years ago.h Viagra was released in 1998 with over $411 million in profits within its first three months Viagra, the well-known blue pill designed to help with erectile dysfunction, made $411 million in profits within the first three months of its release in 1998 before going on to make $1.8 billion in 2003.g Use of the condom was first noted in published literature in the early 1500s. The device was originally made of linen, and historians believe the legendary lover Casanova used linen condoms.a Historical records show that even in 1850 B.C., women attempted to practice birth control. The most common method was a mixture of crocodile dung and honey placed in the vagina in the hopes of preventing pregnancy.a Although nearly any body part or item of clothing may be an object of sexual fetishism, the shoe and the foot are the two most common fetishes in Western society.e Just a decade ago, only 25% of women reported experiencing orgasm as a result of intercourse. In recent years, this number has risen to about 45%. In contrast, over 80% of women report experiencing orgasm though oral sex.e The vibrator, a common sex toy for women, was originally designed in the nineteenth century as a medication to combat the anxiety-related symptoms of “hysteria” (now known as menstruation).a Homosexuality was listed as a mental illness with the American Psychiatric Association (APA) until 1973. It has since been removed and is now considered an orientation by the APA instead of an illness.h Throughout the United States, approximately 4% of the population self-identifies as gay, lesbian, or bisexual.h Approximately 1% of people worldwide identify as asexual (having no strong sexual attraction to either sex).b One in five Americans has been sexually involved with a coworker Statistics suggest that approximately one in every five Americans has indulged in sex with a colleague at work.e Approximately 70% of people in the U.S. admit to fantasizing about group sex at some point in their life, and more than 50% of those people actually follow through.e Nearly one in four Americans (65 millions people) are currently living with an incurable sexually transmitted disease (STD).i During 2007, more than 2.5 million people worldwide became infected with HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. With these new cases, there are now 33 million people living with AIDS throughout the world.i Since AIDS was first diagnosed in 1981, more than 25 million people have died as a result of the virus. Two million people died from AIDS in the year 2007 alone.i The average male produces several million new sperm daily. Conversely, a female is born with a finite amount of eggs and will produce no more than that throughout her lifetime.f Statistics show that approximately 90% of men and 65% of women masturbate from time to time.e Worldwide, 27.5% of women report that they felt pressured into having sex for the first time compared to 15% of men reporting the same feelings.c According to a 2007 worldwide sex survey, the average age when people first have sex is 19.25. The survey also found that people in Asian countries tended to lose their virginity at a much later age (an average of 22) than those in Western cultures (an average of 18).c The car is second only to the bedroom as a favorite place to have sex Outside of the bedroom, the most common place for adults in the U.S. to have sex is the car.c The average couple spends about 20 minutes engaged in sexual foreplay prior to intercourse.e Worldwide, sexually active adults report having sex an average of 103 times per year. This number is down from an average of 127 times per year in 2003.d One report states that 48% of women have faked an orgasm at least once in their life. Interestingly, an identical 48% of men also report faking an orgasm at least once.d Throughout the world, approximately 25% of people report having had only one sexual partner. Conversely, 21% of people report having more than 10 sexual partners in their lifetime.d One survey reports that 53% of sexually active Americans claim to have sex at least once weekly. However, only 48% of Americans report being satisfied with their sex life.c Many of the ingredients in chocolate are proven to cause arousal similar in effect to sexual foreplay. In fact, some experts believe chocolate may be even more effective than foreplay for sexual arousal.a Both men and women can be turned on by the aromas of wine. The scents of many wines are believed to replicate human pheromones, the chemical substances that cause behavioral responses in humans.a Endorphins released during sexual activity create a euphoria similar to that produced by opioid drug use. These same endorphins also act as extremely effective pain killers.f References a Baker, JoAnn and Erica Orloff. 2001. Dirty Little Secrets: True Tales and Twisted Trivia about Sex. New York, NY: MacMillan Publishing Company, Inc. b Bogaert, Anthony F. 2004. “Asexuality: Prevalence and Associated Factors in a National Probability Sample.” The Journal of Sex Research, Vol. 41. c Durex. “The The Face of Global Sex 2007.“ Accessed: January 9, 2009. d Durex. “The Global Sex Survey 2005.“ Accessed: December 23, 2008. e Kanner, Bernice. 2005. Are You Normal About Sex, Love, and Relationships? La Vergne, TN: Lightning Source, Inc. f Keesling, Barbara. 2000. Rx Sex: Making Love Is the Best Medicine. Alameda, CA: Hunter House, Inc. g Kick, Russ, ed. 2006. Everything You Know about Sex Is Wrong: The Disinformation Guide to the Extremes of Human Sexuality (and Everything in between). New York, NY: The Disinformation Company Ltd. h Laumann, Edward O., John H. Gagnon, Robert T. Michael, and Stuart Michaels. 1995. Sex in America. New York, NY: Grand Central Publishing. i UNAIDS. “2008 Report on the Global AIDS Epidemic.” Accessed: December 28, 2008.

LGBTQ Resources

It’s not always easy being LGBTQ.

But there is a growing number of support groups, counselors, hotlines, and other resources that support people who are dealing with sexual orientation and gender issues.

• Help and Hope for LGBTQ Teens
• The ABCDs of LGBT Dating
• Queerspawn

View all LGBTQ Resources articles

Coming Out to Your Parents

If you're lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or questioning (LGBTQ), you may struggle with the decision of whether to come out to your parents. 

Telling your parents can definitely have its rewards — sharing such important, personal information about yourself can strengthen your relationship with your parents, and may even deepen their trust in you.

But while some parents will welcome the news, others may react poorly. Tina, 17, says she doesn't think she'll ever tell her mom or dad she's a lesbian. "My parents raised a girl, and they just wouldn't understand that I like other girls," she says.

On the flipside, even if your parents are LGBTQ themselves, they may understand and support your decision, but worry about the homophobia and heterosexism you may have to face.

Thinking It Over

If you're thinking of coming out to your parents, it's important to know if one or both of them will understand and support you. If coming out means that you risk losing your family's support, you may need to wait until you can find a way to support yourself, both emotionally and financially.

Think carefully about your answers to these questions before making your final decision:

• Are you sure about your sexual orientation? Do you definitely want to declare it at this point in your life?
  
• Are you comfortable with your sexuality?
  
• Do you have the support of friends and family?
  
• Are you knowledgeable about the challenges that LGBTQ people face?
  
• What's the emotional climate at home?
  
• What's your motive for coming out now?
  
• Do you have available resources to care for yourself if your parents decide not to because of your sexual identity?
  
• Are you financially dependent on your parents?
  
• What is your general relationship with your parents?
  
• What are their views about sexual orientation?
  
• Is coming out your own decision?
  

If you don't think you can count on either of your parents to be supportive, consider talking to a teacher, counselor, sibling, or another adult you trust. That person may also be able to help you talk to your parents about your sexual orientation.

Having the Talk

If you decide that coming out to your parents is definitely the right move, then consider when, where, and how you'd like to tell them.

Would you feel more comfortable talking to one parent, or would you rather tell them both together? If your parents are busy people, schedule a time to have the talk. If you feel a little nervous, it's OK to say so — your parents might be too!

And don't be surprised if your parents already know what's on your mind — sometimes parents know a lot more than they let on, and they're just waiting for you to let it out!

"My parents said they had always known there was something a little different about me," says Sarah, 16. "I think it helped them be more prepared for when I came out as bisexual. They didn't freak out at all!"

If you go through with it, congratulate yourself on sharing the big news! And congratulate your parents for listening and being there for you. Talking to your parents about your sexual orientation — and your sexuality in general — is a big step toward fully embracing your identity and becoming a sexually healthy person.

What Does It Mean to Be LGBTQ?

Ask yourself this: Are you right-handed?

At some point back when you were a baby, you instinctively started picking things up with one hand or the other.

Now ask yourself, are you straight?

Like being right-handed, sexual orientation starts very, very young — usually before puberty and before people start having sex. It's the part of your sexuality that leads you to choose romantic and sexual partners of one gender or another (or both). It may even begin to develop before birth.

Although it may shift in the course of a lifetime for some people, sexual orientation is not something we can decide for ourselves or for others. In fact, sexual orientation cannot be changed by psychotherapy or other interventions.

Sexual orientation is about who we are attracted to. "Straight" refers to people who have opposite-sex attraction. When a man is sexually and romantically drawn to other men, that's called "gay." Women who have same-sex attraction are called "lesbians." People who are drawn to both men and women are "bisexual."

Many people who are lesbian, gay, or bisexual call themselves "queer." "Queer" can also include other forms of sexual orientation that don't fit the label of straight, such as transgender, transsexual, transvestite.

Queer is a delicate word with a difficult history. For a long time it was (and still is) used in an insulting, attacking way — a hateful label used to spread intolerance and judgement. But as sexual orientation has come out of the closet, so to speak, many non-straight people have worked to reclaim ownership over the word "queer."

When used with respect, it is now accepted by many as a powerful word that captures the breadth and diversity of non-straight sexual orientations and non-conforming gender identities.

When we talk about all these non-straight identities, we often use the term LGBTQ, which stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer or questioning. "Questioning" means people are not sure what their sexual orientation is.

This is very common, especially in teenagers and young adults, and it is completely normal. It can take a long time for us to figure out our sexual orientations.

It's Perfectly Normal

Throughout history, some religious, scientific, and cultural organizations have condemned same-sex love as an unnatural, sinful act of choice. Even today, many people continue to disapprove and there are lots of debates about what causes same-sex attractions to develop.

But a few things are certain:

• Sexual orientation is not a matter of choice.
• It is not a disease.
• It cannot be "cured" through therapy or medical treatment.
• No amount of pretending will make you different than you are.
• All sexual orientations are perfectly normal.

Sexual orientation is a basic part of each person's identity, and LGBTQ people are just as loving, ethical, productive, smart, beautiful, and human as straight people. Same-sex love is normal, healthy, and just as likely to lead to fulfilling, happy, committed relationships as "straight" love.

So when do people figure out whether they're LGBTQ? And if you are LGBTQ, do you tell people? When?

Looking back, some LGBTQ adults will say they knew very early that they were not straight, as early as third or fourth grade.

Others weren't sure until they were in college or even later. There's no formula for this stuff, and there's no rush.

If you have questions about yourself, start paying attention to the signals that you're getting from your brain and your body ... eventually you'll have a very clear picture of what attracts you

Coming Out

It will help a lot if you can be comfortable with who you are. Going public with the information is a bit more difficult.

Maybe you're the skinny, artsy guy who everybody at school calls a "fag." Or maybe you laugh nervously every time your friends talk about the "dyke" gym teacher, knowing that they'd say the same about you if they only knew the truth.

In these situations, when you want to fit in, to avoid getting tormented by evil classmates, and to duck your parents' shaming judgments, you realize that there are a lot of harsh reasons why people hide their true selves from the public eye.

But you also get to decide for yourself when and with whom you want to discuss your feelings. In the long run, silence does equal death and the truth really will set you free.

Nearly all lesbian and gay people will tell you that coming out — in their own time, on their own terms — was the best thing they've ever done, regardless of the consequences that they seemed to pay on the surface.

But remember, coming out at the wrong place or time can have negative consequences. It depends on the situation.

So take your time — there's no rush — you get to choose the time and the terms for your coming out.

Eventually you'll feel ready. You'll realize that you have the power to protect yourself, to choose the right person, the right situation. In the meantime, teach yourself these lessons:

1. You are totally okay, just as you are.
   
2. You are not alone — there are millions and millions of LGBTQ people in the world!  They live in every culture and speak every language.
   
3. Same-sex attraction and sex play occurs throughout the animal kingdom — from swans to grizzly bears — in birds, fish, reptiles, and mammals.  It’s totally natural.
   
4. You have a basic human right to be who you are.

Once you accept yourself, you have all the power you need to protect yourself.

Gay or Straight — You Are Who You Are

And here's the real surprise ... these lessons are true even if you're straight!

There's no reason that LGBTQ people are the only ones who get to be empowered about sexual identity. Many of straight people march alongside gays in the annual Pride Parades that happen nationwide, drawing strength from the courage it takes to stand up and declare your right to be in the world just as you are.

So here's my last thought about sexual orientation: No matter how much we want this stuff to be clear-cut, it's often hazy for a while. Be gentle with yourself, and be patient. Your heart won't steer you wrong forever.

by Angela

LGBTQ 101

LGBTQ stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, or questioning. It's a label that includes a wide variety of people of non-straight sexual orientations and non-conforming gender identities. Let's take a closer look at what each of these letters mean.

Sexual Orientation

Lesbian, gay, bisexual, and straight are sexual orientations. All these sexual orientations are perfectly normal.

Scientists are not yet sure exactly what causes someone to be lesbian, gay, bisexual, or straight, but recent research shows that there are biological factors in place before birth that influence people's sexual orientation.

Sexual orientation is about who we're attracted to, sexually and romantically. Women who are attracted to other women often call themselves lesbian. Men who are attracted to other men often call themselves gay.

People who are attracted to both women and men often called themselves bisexual. And people who are attracted to people of the opposite sex often call themselves straight.

Why do we say "often"? Because some people don't think these labels describe them accurately.

Some people don't like the idea of labels at all. And others aren't sure how to label themselves. It can take many years for people to figure out their sexual orientation. "Questioning" means people are not sure of their sexual orientations.

This is normal, and it's very common — especially for teenagers and young adults.

Gender Identity

The "T" in LGBTQ stands for transgender. Transgender is not a sexual orientation — it's a gender identity.

Before we define transgender, let's take a step back and look at some other terms.

• Sex is biological. It includes our genetic makeup, our hormones, and our physical parts (like our sex and reproductive organs).
  
• Gender refers to society's expectations about how we should look, think, and act as girls and boys, women and men.
  
• Gender identity is how we feel about our gender and how we convey those feelings through clothing, behavior, speech, and other ways we express ourselves.

For most people, their gender is in sync with their sex. Most people who have female parts, hormones, and genetic makeup feel like girls or women, and most people who have male parts, hormones, and genetic makeup feel like boys or men.

But some people find that their gender identity is not in sync with their sex — for example, someone with a penis might be declared a boy at birth, but grow up feeling, thinking, and acting more like a girl. Many people who feel this way call themselves transgender — also known as trans, TG, or genderqueer.

Transgender can also include people who are simply not satisfied with the strict gender roles society dictates, those who enjoy "playing" the other gender, and those who take hormones and/or have surgery to alter their physical bodies to match their gender identity.

There's Room for Everyone

Queer is an umbrella term that's often used to include lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people — as well as other people with non-straight or non-conforming sexual orientations or gender identities who don't identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender.

The term "queer" has a complicated history. It was — and still is — often used in an insulting and attacking way. But many non-straight, non-conforming people have reclaimed the word "queer" as a way of celebrating their identity.

Both "LGBTQ" and "queer" can be useful terms for discussing important issues that are unique to people of non-straight, non-conforming identities, and that's why we've given "LGBTQ" its own section on Teen Talk.

If you'd like more information about LGBTQ issues, OutProud and Advocates for Youth's YouthResource and are two good places to start.

by Susan Yudt

Safer Sex 101

If you're like most people, you probably have a lot going on in your life. Life tends to take up a lot of time.
Who wants to deal with a sexually transmitted infection on top of everything else?

Unfortunately, infections are a definite concern for people who are sexually active. But the good news is that there are many ways to reduce your risk.

Breaking It Down

Not all sexually transmitted infections are transmitted in the same way, and different types of sex play can put you at risk for different infections.

If you have unprotected vaginal or anal intercourse you are at high risk for:

• chlamydia
• cytomegalovirus (CMV)
• gonorrhea
• hepatitis B virus
• herpes simplex virus
• human immunodeficiency virus (HIV)
• human papilloma virus (HPV)
• pelvic inflammatory disease (PID)
• pubic lice
• syphilis
• scabies
• trichomoniasis

If you have unprotected oral sex you are at high risk for:

• CMV
• gonorrhea
• herpes

If you have sex play without sexual intercourse, you are at risk for:

• CMV
• herpes
• HPV
• pubic lice
• scabies

Infections that can be passed by kissing include:

• CMV
• herpes
• syphilis

Reducing Your Risk

Safer sex is anything you do to reduce your risk of infection. The basic safer sex rule is to prevent contact with one another's body fluids, especially semen, blood, and vaginal secretions.

Unprotected vaginal and anal intercourse have the highest risks for the most dangerous sexually transmitted infections. If you do have vaginal or anal intercourse, use a latex or female condom to reduce the risk of infection.

To further reduce the risk of infection during oral sex, use a condom to cover the penis, or a Sheer Glyde dam, plastic wrap, or cut-open condom to cover the vulva or anus.

Abstinence — not having any sex play — is the only thing that is 100 percent effective against infection, but there are many types of sex play that are considered lower-risk activities. These include

• manual stimulation — "hand jobs"
• mutual masturbation — phone sex, cybersex, watching each other
• erotic massage
• body rubbing
• kissing
• oral sex
• vaginal intercourse with a latex or female condom
• anal intercourse with a latex or female condom

While some infections can only be transmitted by exchanging body fluids, others can also be transmitted through sex play that involves skin-to-skin contact, such as body rubbing without clothes. Don't have sexual contact with a partner who has visible sores like the ones that appear during an outbreak of herpes or syphilis.

The Infection Low-Down

Many people don't think they're at risk for sexually transmitted infections, but the truth is, two-thirds of people who have had sexually transmitted infections became infected before age 25!

Abstinence is the most effective way to avoid infection, but people who are sexually active can greatly reduce their risk of infection by practicing safer sex, using condoms, seeing a health care provider regularly, and understanding how infections are transmitted.

If you decide to be sexually active, decide what risks you want to take and the ones you don't want to take. Stick to your decisions. And stay healthy!

by Ellen Friedrichs and Jon Knowles

How to Use A Condom Properly

View The Video by Clicking Here

Different Strokes for Different Folks

Many people are nervous when they start to experiment with sex play — especially when they are trying things with a new partner! Of course, there are some important health issues to keep in mind — avoiding infection and preventing unplanned pregnancy, just to name a couple.

There are also the issues about technique — about knowing how to make it feel good. Many people wonder about the best techniques to use with sex partners. The truth is, there is no one, single formula for sexual pleasure, nor is there any exact recipe for earth-shaking orgasms.

If you've decided to have sex, and before you start taking notes about the sure-fire techniques that your buddy has claimed to have successfully used on her or his main squeeze, here are a few things you need to know.

Everyone's Different

Erogenous zones are areas of the body that can lead to sexual arousal when stimulated. While the penis, vulva, buttocks, and breasts are the most familiar erogenous zones, that doesn't mean that they are the ONLY body parts that, when stimulated, can heighten sexual pleasure. It also doesn't mean that everyone enjoys the same kind of touching in those places.

Everyone's body is wired differently. The same moves that make one person feel warm and fuzzy may actually tickle, irritate, or even hurt someone else.

For example, some women may enjoy having their clitoris touched, while others may find that their clitoris is too sensitive to be touched directly. Some people may love getting kissed on the neck, while others may find it too ticklish to be sexy.

Different bodies respond to stimulation at different paces. So, for example, even if your idea of passionate play means "full speed ahead," it's important to realize that, for others, feeling rushed may actually kill the mood altogether.

As is the case for any kind of sex play, comfort levels and preferences about the tempo of things can change from day to day, even for the same person.

Let's Talk About Sex ...

There is no universal ingredient or magic spell that will definitely send one's sex partner into an orgasmic frenzy. Bummer ... or is it? It would be boring if everyone's sexual experiences were only supposed to happen in one, predetermined way.

There are an infinite number of ways to touch and be touched. The smoothest move you can make is to not assume anything about your partner's body or comfort level. Partners often communicate with each other in physical ways.

However, sometimes it's hard to tell if your partner is enjoying something. In that case, you might want to make sure that you are both feeling the same vibe. Just unlocking your lips for long enough to ask "Do you like this?" can really go a long way toward making your experiences more positive for both people.

Other ways to find out what floats (or sinks!) someone else's boat might be:

• "Just let me know if you want me to stop."
• "Is this cool with you?"
• "What do you feel like doing?"
• "Do you like this, or is there something you'd like better?"
• "It's okay for you to say if there is something you really like ... I'm open to suggestions!"
• "Don't feel bad about letting me know if something doesn't feel good. I want this to be fun for both of us!"

Tongue-tied

Even if your partner is a bit shy at first about getting down to the nitty-gritty, the fact that you cared enough to ask may eventually make it easier for her or him to open up to you.

For lots of reasons, many people may still feel hesitant to express, or ask, what works or doesn't work.

Gender stereotypes can make this even more difficult. For example, girls might feel uneasy being open in talking about their own sexuality for fear that they will be labeled or judged as a "slut." For guys, asking a partner what she or he likes might seem awkward because of the stereotype that "real men don't need directions" to please a sexual partner.

The reality is that it takes a great deal of maturity and self-awareness for anyone — female or male — to speak openly and honestly with an intimate partner. Finding out what feels best for your partner might be just a matter of using your mouth ... to ask!

by Ashley Rondini

Seven Steps to Sexual Health

Sexual health is something that affects all of us, whether we're currently sexually active or not. Sexual health is about more than using birth control, practicing safer sex, or being free of infection or dysfunction. It's about being emotionally, physically, and mentally aware of what you want and need sexually. It's also about communication and responsibility.

Here are seven things you can do to improve your sexual health:

1. Get the facts. Gather the information you need to make healthy sexual decisions — facts about anatomy, birth control, sexually transmitted infections, and safer sex. There is a lot of misinformation out there, so be sure to check your facts against trusted sources.

2. Get perspective. Forget expectations about how you "should" feel or look or express your sexuality. Listen instead to what your body and mind are telling you. Our bodies have a great capacity for pleasure — whether or not we look like a perfect "10"— and there is a far greater variety of sexual expression than what's depicted in mainstream media.

3. Know thyself. Facts alone can't improve your sexual health. Sexual health is rooted in self-awareness and self-knowledge — and you can't find that information in a book or online.

A key component of sexual health is knowing your body — what it looks like, how it works, and how it feels.

Becoming more familiar with your sexual anatomy can help reduce the sense of shame or mystery some people have about their sex organs. People who are familiar with their sex organs are more likely to detect a possible infection or other health problem. And exploring through masturbation — touching one's own sex organs for pleasure — is one of the primary ways people learn what they do and do not enjoy sexually.

This kind of self-awareness informs relationships as well. You can begin to ask yourself bigger questions:

What kinds of sex play do you want to engage in, and what kinds would you rather not? Are you attracted to women or men or both? How can you pursue your pleasure safely?

The better you know yourself, the better you are able to share yourself with another person.

4. Communicate. Communication is a vital part of any healthy sexual relationship.

When becoming sexual with a new partner, it's important to talk about expectations. What do you want from a sexual relationship — physically and emotionally? What are your boundaries? Communicating these expectations helps to put everyone on the same page.

It's also important to discuss birth control and safer sex. Which risks are you willing to take — and which ones aren't you willing to take?

How will you and your partner share both the pleasure and the responsibility of a sexual relationship?

5. Get a check-up. Maintaining your sexual health is not something you accomplish all on your own. A health care provider can be a great ally.

Whether or not you are sexually active, it's important to take proper care of your reproductive and sexual health. For women, this means getting regular pelvic and breast exams. For men, this means getting your prostate and testicles checked.

Depending on the risks you've taken, you may want to be tested for sexually transmitted infections. You and your health care provider can decide together which tests may be right for you.

6. Get support. One obstacle to sexual health is sexual abuse. The World Health Organization estimates that as many as one in four women and one in 10 men have survived some form of sexual abuse, including rape. Many find support groups or individual therapy to be helpful. Support groups and individual therapy can provide a place where fears and concerns can be safely expressed and explored.

Substance abuse and mental health issues such as depression, eating disorders, or anxiety can also affect your sexual health. Getting support in dealing with these issues can help ensure that you are making healthy choices when it comes to your sex life.

7. Enjoy yourself! Enjoying our sexuality is a normal, natural part of life. For many people, however, there is so much guilt, embarrassment, and shame associated with sex that the pleasure is lost. A social climate that demonizes sex doesn't help.

It's important to our sexual health to be able to enjoy our sexuality and the way we express ourselves sexually. The first six steps to sexual health can help us become more responsible and secure in our sexuality and in our sexual relationships. They provide a foundation for allowing us to enjoy our sexual selves to the fullest.

by Heather Boerner

Six Myths About Sex — Debunked

We get thousands of questions each year about sexual health. When it comes to sex, many teens — and adults too — have trouble separating fact from fiction. Here are some common misperceptions about sex and the reality behind these myths.

Myth # 1: You can't get pregnant if you have sex when you're having your period.

It's not likely for most women, but it can happen. It is possible for a woman to get pregnant from intercourse during her period, especially if her menstrual cycle is brief or irregular.

Here's an example: In a 20-day cycle, ovulation — the release of the egg — may very well occur on day six of her cycle.

Her period begins on day one. It lasts about five days. Ejaculated sperm can hang around in her body and fertilize an egg up to six days later. Let's say this couple has unprotected sex in the first two days of her period.

The live sperm can wait around to join with her egg when it is released on day six. This could cause a pregnancy.

And of course, another important concern of having unprotected sex — anytime during the month — is that it offers no protection against sexually transmitted infections.

Myth # 2: Oral sex isn't really sex.

There is no one definition of "having sex." People all have their own definitions of what it means. For many people "having sex" means engaging in a range of intimate, physical behaviors with another person or persons that can often (but not always) involve the genitals.

For some people it is penis-vagina intercourse. For some people it is penis-anus intercourse. For some people it is mouth-genital contact. For some people it is sex toy-vagina play.

People decide for themselves what it means to them to "have sex." To avoid confusion when talking about what it means with a partner, it is important to clearly communicate your limits and expectations with partners and to be sure you understand their's.

There is a wide range of fun, safe, pleasurable activities that people can engage in that are sexual. Good news: there is a variety of intimate behaviors that are very low risk for pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (such as mutual masturbation, phone sex, cybersex, and real-life manual sex play).

Bad news: some behaviors (such as unprotected vaginal intercourse) can be very high risk for both! So whatever "having sex" means to you, play carefully!

Myth # 3: Condoms break frequently and really don't work.

FALSE! When used correctly, condoms are 98 percent effective in preventing pregnancy. And latex condoms are the best way to avoid sexually transmitted infections for people who are sexually active.

Most breakage happens because condoms are used incorrectly. In fact, properly lubricating a condom helps reduce the likelihood of the condom breaking.

However, only water-based lubricants such as KY jelly, Astro Glide, Slippery Stuff, etc., can be used with latex condoms. In fact, properly lubricating the condom helps reduce the likelihood of the condom breaking.

Myth #4: Most teens are having sex.

Surprise, surprise: no they aren't! The 2007 Youth Risk Behavior Survey, answered by nearly 14,000 high school students across the country, reported that less than half (47.8 percent) had ever had intercourse. So why does it seem like everyone's doing it?

Well, there are a couple of reasons. The first reason is that we receive thousands of impressions from the media that suggest it's true. Teens today spend between six and seven hours a day with some form of media. On prime-time TV alone there are about 10 instances of sexual behavior per hour. Combine that with sexual images on YouTube and in magazine ads, music videos, billboards, pop-ups, and movies, and it all adds up to A LOT of sexual content that we're being exposed to.

Another reason that it seems like most teens are having sex is that there is a lot of bragging, rumors, gossip, and guessing amongst teens.

All this speculation can start to feel like "the truth," but it really is just hearsay. Teens need to decide for themselves when they are ready for sexual activity and know that it is perfectly "normal" to wait.

Myth #5: You can't get pregnant the first time you have sex ... or if you don't really have sex that often.

You can! You can! If you are having unprotected sex you can get pregnant — whether it is the first time or the one hundred and first time! It is even possible for a girl to get pregnant before she has her first period — this is because an egg is released before menstruation can happen.

It is also possible to get pregnant whether you have sex frequently or infrequently.

It's all about the sperm hooking up with the egg. If that happens, pregnancy can occur. If you are sexually active, it's important to use some form of birth control if you are not intending to become pregnant.

Myth #6: A doctor can tell if a girl is not a virgin.

Not generally. Even pelvic exams can't reveal if you've had vaginal intercourse or if you masturbate, unless there are specific signs. A health care provider may be able to tell a woman is not a virgin if she has

• symptoms of a sexually transmitted infection such as herpes or genital warts
• semen in her vagina from a recent act of intercourse
• torn tissue from violent or rough sex
  

People used to think that if a women's hymen — the thin membrane that stretches partway over the opening to the vagina — was perfectly intact a doctor could tell she was a virgin. But women are born with varying amounts of hymenal tissue. Some have so little that it may seem they have none at all. Many activities besides vaginal intercourse can stretch open the hymen. These include bike-riding, using tampons, or playing certain sports. For these reasons, the state of a women's hymen is not a reliable indicator of whether she has had sex.

Occasionally, if a woman has a perfectly intact hymen that covers most of her vaginal opening, her clinician might think that she is a virgin. And if hymeneal tissue that a clinician has previously observed appears changed, she may think that sexual intercourse has occurred. In either case, the clinician cannot be sure unless she is told.

So usually, the only way a clinician will know if a woman's had sex is if the woman tells her. That's why it's important to tell your clinician if you are having sex. Don't let embarrassment become a health risk. Let your clinician know what is going on with your sex life so that she can make a more informed evaluation of your health status.

Posted @ Planned Parenthood

Some Facts on Female Orgasm

Let's face it, ladies — good things really do come to those who wait. Think about that rich, tasty dessert that wraps up a good meal. Or the explosive grand finale at the end of the fireworks show on the Fourth of July.

Well, there's another type of happy ending: the female orgasm. Also called "coming," climaxing, or having a "big O," an orgasm is often the pleasurable climax during sexual activity.

What is an orgasm? It's defined as the peak of sexual arousal when all the muscles that were tightened during sexual arousal relax, causing a very pleasurable feeling that may involve the whole body.

During orgasm, many women's heart rates skyrocket, their breathing quickens, and their blood pressure rates increase; muscles throughout their bodies spasm, but mostly those in the vagina, uterus, anus, and pelvic floor.

Sound dangerous? It isn't. In fact, most women who have had an orgasm will tell you that it's quite nice.

To put it mildly, orgasms feel good. During orgasm, chemicals called endorphins are released into the bloodstream. They cause pleasant sensations to ripple through the body, but they also make many women feel happy, giddy, flushed, warm, or sleepy.

So, how do women have orgasms?

For starters, almost any type of sexual stimulation can lead to orgasm. A woman can have an orgasm through intercourse, oral sex, or anal sex; manual stimulation of the vulva by her partner; body rubbing ("dry humping"); or masturbation.

Some women can even have orgasms just by touching their breasts or by fantasizing about sex.

For many women, the contact has to be much more direct — right on the genitals — and in a regular, rhythmic pattern. Stimulation of two major parts of the genitals can cause a woman to have an orgasm: the clitoris (which is a part of the vulva) and the vagina.

A woman can have an orgasm through stimulation of just her clitoris, just her vagina, or both. But most women have orgasms through stimulation of the clitoris.

Although some researchers believe there is just one type of female orgasm, others believe that stimulation of these two parts of the genitals can cause different types of orgasm. During a clitoral orgasm, the vagina becomes longer, and it causes a pocket to be formed beneath the uterus.

During a vaginal orgasm, the uterus drops lower and shortens the vagina. Stimulation of both the vagina and clitoris can cause a blended orgasm, the third type of orgasm. All these orgasms may feel different from each other.

Here's some more information about vaginal orgasms: there is a particular place inside the vagina called the G spot (short for the Gräfenberg spot, named after the researcher who "discovered" it). It's a small bunch of nerves, about the size of a quarter, that's located about an inch or two inside the vagina on the side closest to the navel. It can become extremely sensitive during sex play. And the G spot can swell, which may make it easier to find.

Sometimes during stimulation of the G spot, a clear fluid will spurt out of the urethra. The fluid is similar to that produced by the prostate gland in men that makes up the liquid portion of semen. Yes, it's true — about 10 percent of women can actually ejaculate!

Most women will have one orgasm, and then they'll need to take a long break — stop or reduce sex play — before the next one. But some women can have several in a row — they can have multiple orgasms.

Many women — about one out of three — have trouble reaching orgasm when having sex with a partner.

Most women experience orgasm through clitoral stimulation rather than through vaginal penetration. So if a woman is having difficulty reaching orgasm, she may want to try clitoral stimulation during, before, or after vaginal intercourse and oral sex to have an orgasm. Keep in mind, every woman's body responds differently to various kinds of sex play. Each woman has different preferences for the ways in which she likes to be stimulated.

Most women who reach orgasm with a partner have also experienced an orgasm from masturbation. Women who have never had an orgasm may want to try to masturbate and learn what pleases them. It may take some time, but practice makes perfect.

So, now that you're an expert on orgasms, spread the word. The more women and their partners know about orgasms, the easier it will be to have one. Enjoy!

by Christy Brownlee

Sexuality and Sexual Health - Female Body Parts

Women’s Sexual Organs


Here is a quick introduction to the female sexual organs. It is also important to have regular check ups, such as Pap smears (and breast checks). Pelvic floor exercises will also help keep the organs 'fit' and minimise problems such as incontinence.

External Genitalia

The anatomical name for the external female genitalia is the vulva, which includes the:

• Labia majora:these are the large lips of the vagina - fatty folds of skin covered in hair on the outside.
• Labia minora: these are the small lips - delicate folds of skin located between the labia majora.
• Clitoris:this is a tiny knob of tissue and nerve endings located at the top of the labia minora. The clitoris is the female equivalent of the penis head in terms of sensitivity and sexual arousal.
• Vestibule:this is the cleft or opening below the clitoris and between the labia minora.
• Urethra:this is located just below the clitoris. The urethra is the external opening to the urinary tract; urine is expelled from the urethra.

The Vagina

The vagina is both a genital and a reproductive organ. The vaginal opening is located just below the urethra. In some young women the vagina is covered by the hymen - a thin membrane with at least one opening. Although an intact hymen is still considered a sign of virginity in some cultures, many women break their hymen during sport or through sexual petting. The hymen may bleed when it tears, and if this occurs during sexual intercourse, it may be painful. The vagina is a muscular tube of great elasticity; while the walls normally remain close together, it has the capacity to expand to allow childbirth to occur.

Internal organs

• Ovaries are two small, almond-shaped glands that produce eggs (ova). The ovaries also make the sex hormones oestrogen and progesterone. An egg is released from the ovary approximately every 28 days in a process called ovulation.
• Fallopian tubes are small hollow tubes that lead from the ovaries to the top of the uterus. The egg travels to the uterus via the Fallopian tubes. Sperm travels to the Fallopian tubes in search of an egg to fertilise.
• Uterus. Commonly known as the womb, the uterus is an upside-down pear shaped, hollow reproductive organ located in the pelvis between the bladder and the rectum. Its lining is called the endometrium, which is where a foetus (fertilised egg) is implanted and grows during pregnancy.
• Cervix is the neck or entrance to the uterus. The cervix is located at the top of the vagina.

Dating While Disabled pt2

Although it would be great to say that disability should have no bearing on your relationships, there are often practical issues to consider.

"Access isn't just about getting into buildings. Sensory disabilities require different things," says Penny Pepper, author of Desires, an erotica anthology about disabled people, sex and relationships.

"A deaf person may want good lighting to be able to lip-read, a vision-impaired person may need facilities for their guide dog, and some people may need to know there is a quiet area at the venue where you can hang out."

Think about your home too: "'Come back to my place', may not sound that appealing if your partner is worrying about whether they're going to trip over the furniture or if they'll be able to use your loo."

It's not just physical disabilities that can have an effect on dating and socialising: someone with Aspergers Syndrome may find it hard to read subtle messages and feel lost in social situations.

The answer is communication: tell your partner about anything that may affect the relationship. Don't go into it at length on a first date - that's a time for getting to know each other and it'll come across a bit strong if you start explaining exactly how to deal with a manic mood swing or a colostomy bag over dinner.

But don't be afraid to tell your partner what to expect as your relationship progresses - and how to deal with it.

Personal assistants

Some people with disabilities need a personal assistant (PA) to help them. Penny says: "Make sure your relationship with your PA is respectful and honest and that you know your mutual boundaries. A good PA can be a godsend and will blend into the background as directed by you."

One girl told me her Dad ordered her not to wear make-up because she would never have a boyfriend, but when she came home by taxi, he accused her of shagging the taxi driver!

If your parents are being over-protective, you may need to give them a gentle reminder them that you're old enough to make your own choices. Dr Tuppy Owens, founder of Outsiders, a self-help group for disabled people, says: "One girl told me her Dad ordered her not to wear make-up because she would never have a boyfriend, but when she came home by taxi, he accused her of shagging the taxi driver!"

If you face any stigma for dating someone who's got a disability, remind yourself that you're the one that picks your partners, not your friends and family. If they're too narrow-minded to see past a disability, that's their problem. Don't see disability as a big deal and other people are more likely to follow suit.

Who you gonna call?

There are numerous organisations that can offer advice and support. Stars in the Sky and Special Connect both run dating events for people with learning disabilities. Outsiders has been helping people with physical and social disabilities make friends and find partners for over 25 years. "Anyone over 16 can join," says Tuppy.

"Nobody is turned away because of physical or social disability. Members who expect to find someone straight away can be disappointed, but many have been delighted with new-found friends and overjoyed when they find someone to love."

The big thing to remember is that if you sit at home feeling isolated, you'll be isolated. But if you take that first step, you're more likely to find love.

Written by Emily Dubberley