How To Have Sex In A Car

Getting off in your car is not as easy as it may sound. For those of you who have ever attempted it, you might have noticed the typical difficulties: avoiding hard objects like seats, steering wheels, dashboards, and gear sticks, and getting into a comfortable enough position to actually finish the job at hand.

Success partly depends on the type of car you have, so you will need to adjust the following suggestions on how to have sex in a car to apply to your own vehicle. These guidelines generally apply to a medium-size, four-door sedan.

Here are some tips to make your ride a little easier.

positions and activities

There are several positions that make sex in a car easier and more fun. When you're trying to figure out how to have sex in a car, consider these maneuvers and locations:   

The back seat

This can be woman-on-top or man-on-top, with the bottom participant lying on the back seat or the guy sitting. It works better if you pull the front seats as far forward as you can, to give you more room.

The front passenger seat

Push the seat as far back as it will go and take a seat. Your partner can ride you facing you or facing the windscreen with her hands on the dash for support.

The outside of the car

The hood of the car is a wonderful platform for all kinds of activities: You can go down on her while she rests her legs on your shoulders, her bottom on the edge of the car or you can enter her from front or behind while she leans her body on the hood -- and you get fresh air at the same time.

While driving

Your girl can easily get your appendage in her mouth while you drive -- slowly and carefully, for both of you. Avoid bumps or potholes and keep your eye on the road at all times, and if you feel like you are losing it, pull over immediately. A blow job is not worth damaging your car or losing the use of your legs or worse, your girlfriend's or someone else’s life.

Safety

There are many ways to get into a pickle while you try to have sex in a car: You, your partner’s and Joe Public’s physical safety are of paramount importance, simply because while you are so distracted you can’t keep your eye on other things. The key here is getting sorted before you start. So, park somewhere where you won’t roll off a cliff or get clipped by other vehicles, pull on the hand brake firmly and do your seat adjustments before you start.

Law

Most places in the world prohibit public displays of indecency, which is exactly what you are proposing to do when you try to figure out how to have sex in a car. You can be arrested, you can be fined, and you can be very, very embarrassed. However, in some countries, you can and will be arrested and sent to prison to serve a sentence for being so disrespectful.

Keep these tips in mind when you're figuring out how to have sex in a car

things to keep in mind

Keep handy some tissues or a roll of toilet paper for cleaning up, possibly a small pillow for extra comforts, water or a drink to refresh, and condoms. Avoid candles, as they are a fire hazard.

Cleanliness

You need to make sure you car is clean. Crumpled snotty tissues, takeout containers with old food in them, or McDonald’s cups leaking old flat Coke are not hot, and will detract from your efforts to have sex in a car. Crumbs and sand/dirt on the back seat will be itchy and uncomfortable, so vacuum! Do a quick clean up before your date. Condoms can also help to prevent sticky messes in the car. Without a lecture on safe sex, in a very practical sense they keep you, your girl and your car clean.  

Location

Choose your spot reasonably carefully. Keep in mind that any adults or children that may be about don’t need to see you having sex in your car. If exhibitionism is your thing, choose an area that will suit you, i.e., an alleyway in the red light district. Otherwise, choose a quiet spot with some nice scenery, perhaps a nearby waterway, beach or park. If you don’t have a lot of pretty options or gas, an empty parking lot will do the trick. Try to avoid cliche locations where everyone else goes.

Imagination is a virtue: use it.

rev it up

Sex in a car is not always great, but with a little thought and planning, you can use this exciting and interesting location within a location to make a little nasty love. Be careful, use your common sense and show respect to the rest of the world, but have plenty of fun. Get a little more inventive once you get the hang of the above positions and enjoy.

Public Sex Positions

Public space is there for all to utilize, so it is your duty as a responsible citizen to make good use of these areas. Summer is a great time for getting your gear off in the great outdoors and making the most of the warmth, and what better way to do that then with public sex positions like the ones listed below? 

Pig in a Blanket

Locale: Best suited to public parks and beaches.

As the name suggests, you need both a blanket and a pig. Men, being suitably pig-like at times, are designated swine for the outing. Wrap yourselves in a blanket and discreetly wriggle like stuck pigs until you are both satisfied. Save the squealing for later, because there may be people around. Sleeping bags can be used and then you won’t have to worry about naked body parts being suddenly exposed to the outside world -- they also get nice and sweaty with the friction.

Lumberjack

Locale: The woods, naturally.

Simulate sex with a tree in this position. The intermediary is your lover. She is the tree hugger, facing the tree, with her arms around it protecting the tree from your large and violent axe. Enter her from behind, and she will use her otherworldly powers of manipulation to make you forget all about being a callous tree-murderer. Choose your tree carefully, as despite her love for tall leafy greens, she is prejudiced against certain types of trees -- trunks with a lot of scratchy bark are not worthy of her embraces. She likes them long, smooth, and thick.

Pitch a Tent

Locale: Best suited to a flat area ideal for pitching a tent, such as long grass.

Your throbbing member is the tent peg, and your body is the hammer. She is the ground sheet, flat, and spread out, ready for you to make her sturdy and stable with your tools. Peg her to the ground however you need to, and make the most of the ideal position. Once the poles are in, for some variety, she can then make a tent-shape with her body and you can slide the final pole into her satiny fabric -- best done where you would normally pitch a tent.

We've got a few more public sex positions for you to try out under the blazing summer sun.

Bushwhacker

Locale: Backyard/garden.

We’ve all done it, or at least wish we’d done it: Sex in the bushes reminds us of our misspent youth, curfews and naughtiness. You don’t even have to leave your property -- though feel free to do it in other people's. Surely they won’t mind. She doesn’t want to get her clothes dirty or touch the icky ground, so be a gentleman and kneel at her service. Wrap her legs tightly around your waist, and hold her close so she doesn’t have to touch the undergrowth. This way you get the twigs and leaves in your knees and shins as you should, and she gets to have good sex and be treated like the lady she is.

Taking out the Trash

Locale: Back alley.

Men are infamous for shirking their domestic duties, so take an opportunity to redeem yourself: take out the trash, and get her off while you’re at it. Yes, sometimes you probably want to send her off with the dump truck, but this time you are going to make passionate love to the garbage bag: her. The connotations are wrong -- she is the farthest thing from trash that exists in the entire world -- but you get the idea. She is wrapped around your upper torso and you carry her like you might do a large, beautiful sack of rubbish. Enter her body, and revel in the scent of her that is so unlike discarded waste products.

public indecency, prison & fines

It is important to take note of who may be watching, as public indecency is a mortal sin, and shall be punished with embarrassing fines, jail terms, criminal convictions, and the like. Keep out of sight of kids -- mom and dad will probably be offended and disgusted, and parents like nothing more than to severely punish those who decimate their children's pure minds.

take it outside

After a long, cold winter being stuck inside, it is a relief to have hilarious and ridiculous sex somewhere outrageously public. Choose your locations carefully, but without too much aplomb. You're not running for president (and if you are, you might want to reconsider), so keep giggling like school kids, and no matter who comes first, you both win awards for bravery and good humor.

5 Bizarre Sex Tips

Women have sex in lots of ways… with strange partners, strange toys and in strange settings.

Here are 5 sex acts that may rev some women’s engines, but leave mine stalled:

Wearing furries is a perfectly natural sex activity. Call me crazy, but I’ve never had any fantasies about knocking boots with a Bengal tiger, hooting owl or grizzly bear. Though if a sexed-up bear tried to get in my pants, I just may seduce him long enough to skin his hide and make myself a nifty vest.

Bondage is a major turn-on. About 17% of American women have tried bondage, studies say. Maybe it’s because I’m a fiercely independent modern-day woman, but the idea of someone chaining me to a headboard and whipping me till I shout makes me want to dial 9-1-1.

Pain is pleasurable. Inflicting pain on yourself or someone else while you’re doing the nasty is weird. To most people, blood is frightening. Men can’t even handle talk of menstrual cycles! Why would blood oozing from my ear lobe be any different?

Still, I can appreciate the lengths people will go for good sex. I know a gal who likes to be suffocated in the sack; she says it boosts the strength of her orgasm. (Fair enough.) We call her boyfriend the “Boston Strangler” – behind his back, of course. She swears us non-stranglers are missing out on the best sex ever.
We’ll see how she really feels about her wild, death-defying romps when she’s lying in a hospital bed with a crushed windpipe, rasping like Marlon Brando.

Food as sex toys. Yes, I’ve seen “9 ½ Weeks”; I’ve been hot for Mickey Rourke ever since. But seriously, that food scene makes me want to vomit. There’s nothing sexy about cupfuls of honey dribbling off your face, jalapenos shoved down your throat, and vegetable soup streaming out of your nose. Also, is your partner supposed to kiss you when you have an entire buffet in your mouth? And is it OK to stop and ask, Do I have food in my teeth? This activity is a libido-crusher any way you look at it.

Turn your bedroom into a sexy space. This laughable tip comes courtesy of today’s feature story, 20 Tips for the Best Sex Ever. I agree that candles, flowers and sleek satin can set the mood, but the notion of my bedroom being sexy – even in the slightest – is hilarious! I have a 3-foot-high pile of laundry in one corner; a teetering stack of books and magazines on the nightstand (which threatens the safety of any bed occupant); and a retainer and bleaching tray lost somewhere in the sheets. Some of my friends’ boudoirs have cutesy wood plaques that say “Home Is Where the Heart Is”, photos of family members on every surface, posters of dolphins on the walls, and Hello Kitty junk saturating the room.

I think most ladies will agree: If and when sex happens in our bedrooms, it’s despite the bedroom – not because of it


So what do you think? Am I a prude, or are some of these sex acts more silly than sexy? Can you think of any sex acts that make you want to be celibate?