15 Things You Should Know About Women's Health
by Debby Herbenick PhD, MPH
1 Sexual desire is complex. A woman's sexual desire can be influenced by sleep, fatigue, illness, fitness nutrition, body fat (too much or too little), feelings about her partner, aging, changes in hormone levels, communication, side effects from medication, mood, stress, anxiety and her menstrual cycle. When a woman wonders what has happened to her sex drive, it can be important to reassure her that many women (and men) experience changes in their sex drive, to encourage her to communicate with her about her feelings and to check in with her healthcare provider to rule out any health conditions or side effects from medications that might be impacting her desire. In addition, she can seek out a sex counselor or therapist. aasect.org.
2 Not all women orgasm through intercourse. Many women require direct stimulation of their clitoris, which is outside of and above the vagina (at the twelve o'clock position). Many women find it easier to orgasm when a partner performs oral sex on them, when they or their partner touch the genitals with their fingers, or when they or their partner use a bedroom toy. A couples toy such as the Pure Romance Jelly Tool Belt may be a particularly useful toy for any woman who would like to orgasm through vaginal intercourse.
3 Not all lubricants are created equal. Some women are sensitive to propylene glycol; other find that glycerin irritates them. Pure Romance Just Like Me is a gentle lubricant that many women with sensitive skin find can make sex more comfortable and pleasurable, without the irritation. Other women simply like to spice things up sometimes with sex in a bath tub or shower. When it come to "water sex", a silicone-based lubricant such as Pure Romance Pure Pleasure is a better choice because it won't get washed away in the tub or shower.
4 Sex should not be painful. Many women experience uncomfortable or painful sex from time to time. Often, a few useful tips can be of help. In my experience, encouraging women and their partners to spend more time on foreplay (which increases vaginal lubrication and helps to expand the vagina), to use a non-irritating lubricant, and to choose positions that give her more control over her body (such as woman on top) have helped many women to have more enjoyable sex without the pain. However, about 15% of women may have a medical condition called vulvodynia, which refers to female genital pain. This pain may occur during sex or even during daily activities such as riding in a car or sitting down at work. Women who have ongoing genital pain or questions about their pain might find it helpul to connect with The National Vulvodynia Association (www.nva.org) for information, support and healthcare provider referrals.
5 Self-pleasuring is good for women. Masturbation is a healthy part of sexuality for many women. In addition, sexual pleasuring (alone or with a partner) can actually keep a woman's genitals healthy by drawing blood flow and oxygen to the genitals and helping to lubricate and keep the vagina moist, all of which can keep the vaginal and vulvar skin strong and healthy. To learn more about vaginal health, read The V Book: A Doctor's Guide to Complete Vulvovaginal Health.
6 All women have a g-spot. The g-spot is an area of the vagina that some scientists decided to name "the g-spot" because it had been noticed that it was a particularly sensitive area, when stimulated, for some women. That said, just because we all have this area of the vagina (about 1 or 2 inches inside the vagina, on the front wall) doesn't mean that we all find it pleasurable or orgasmic when the g-spot is stimulated. If a woman wants to explore her g-spot, she might find it easier to do so with a bedroom toy, perhaps laying face down on the bed (which puts gentle pressure on the front wall of the vagina).
7 Size may not matter - but fit does. Rather than worrying whether you or your partner are too big or too small, if sex doesn't feel the way you want it to, consider how your bodies fit together. If things feel too "roomy", try using less lubricant or keep a towel nearby to occasionally "dry things off". If penetration feels uncomfortable, you might want to add more lubricant, or take things more slowly (or gently). Also, consider expanding your definition of sex to include oral sex, finger stimulation, toy play, watching each other self-pleasure, passionate kissing or making out, sensual touching and bathing together - activities for which neither size nor fit matter much at all.
8 Stay strong as you age. Aging can throw us a few curveballs. Stay strong by practicing your Kegel exercises which can help with incontinence issues as well as sexual pleasure. Squeeze and release your PC muscles (the same one that, as you're urinating, can stop the flow of urine with a quick squeeze) a few times a day for about 3 to 5 minutes per session. It's a habit that can really pay off over your lifetime.
9 "Bouncing back" after pregnancy takes time. Many healthcare providers tell women that they can resume intercourse six weeks after giving birth. Of course, not all women are ready to get back in the game so quickly. Given the life changes that come with having a new baby in your life (read: lack of sleep, breastfeeding, changes in your relationship) many women and their partners don't resume regular sex until 6 months or even a year following the birth of a new baby. Couples who still crave intimacy often get creative when it comes to sexual sharing - stealing five minutes here and there, snuggling on the couch to promote intimacy, or making the most of your child's time with a babysitter to reclaim your closeness to your partner.
10 Stay healthy, stay sexy. A healthy lifestyle has more to do with sex than you might guess. Gear up for the decades ahead of you by staying fit (ask your healthcare provider what types of exercise like walking, running, cycling, swimming, or team sports might be right for you), eating well (heavy on fruits, vegetable, whole grains and lean proteins), and stearing clear of smoking (it can wreak havoc on your cardiovascular system which has everything to with women's lubrication and men's erections).
11 Your gynecological health matters. Whether or not you are sexually active, you should continue checking with your healthcare provider at least once each year for an annual gynecological exam and learn how often you need a Pap test (some women need Pap tests every 3-6 months; other women may go three years without needing a Pap test). Many insurance companies even allow women to identify their gynecologist as their promary care provider.
12 Mind-body connection. How you feel inside your head can have a lot to do with how you feel about your body and about being sexual with another person. Relaxation can make it easier to orgasm. Telling your partner about your feelings and about what hurts you (as well as what makes you feel good) can help to ease tension between the two of you, identify relationship problems as they come up (rather than months later) and celebrate what's good about your relationship - all of which can help you to feel closer and more apt to be physically intimate.
13 Importance of touch. Touch is crucial to relationships. Don't skimp on hugging, hand holding or cuddling with each other. Touch can help couples to feel closer, to feel loved and to feel relaxed.
14 Every body can be sexy. With society's focus on body size and shape, it's good to step back and remember that we can all be incredibly sexy regardless of our height, weight, or where our curves do (or don't) fall. It's often said that our biggest sex organ is our brain, which speaks to the importance of how we feel about ourselves and our sexual state of mind. Think sexy and you will be sexy.
15 Sex can be great at any age. Whether you're 18 or 80, you can have a wonderful, satisfying, exciting sex life. You can expect changes in your emotional feelings and your physical feelings and in how your body works, and these changes can present you with new experiences and the potential for an enjoyable, sexual life. But, then again, variety is the spice of life - and sex!
The Patty Brisben Foundation participates in several collaborative research studies with various universities including Indiana University. One of the largest research studies is currently headed by Debby Herbenick PhD, MPH, Associate Director of SHRWG (Sexual Health Research Working Group) at Indiana University. She is also a Research Associate for the Department of Applied Health Science and a Health Educator at The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction. In addition, Dr. Herbenick works as a sex columnist for various newspapers and magazines across the nation
by Debby Herbenick PhD, MPH
1 Sexual desire is complex. A woman's sexual desire can be influenced by sleep, fatigue, illness, fitness nutrition, body fat (too much or too little), feelings about her partner, aging, changes in hormone levels, communication, side effects from medication, mood, stress, anxiety and her menstrual cycle. When a woman wonders what has happened to her sex drive, it can be important to reassure her that many women (and men) experience changes in their sex drive, to encourage her to communicate with her about her feelings and to check in with her healthcare provider to rule out any health conditions or side effects from medications that might be impacting her desire. In addition, she can seek out a sex counselor or therapist. aasect.org.
2 Not all women orgasm through intercourse. Many women require direct stimulation of their clitoris, which is outside of and above the vagina (at the twelve o'clock position). Many women find it easier to orgasm when a partner performs oral sex on them, when they or their partner touch the genitals with their fingers, or when they or their partner use a bedroom toy. A couples toy such as the Pure Romance Jelly Tool Belt may be a particularly useful toy for any woman who would like to orgasm through vaginal intercourse.
3 Not all lubricants are created equal. Some women are sensitive to propylene glycol; other find that glycerin irritates them. Pure Romance Just Like Me is a gentle lubricant that many women with sensitive skin find can make sex more comfortable and pleasurable, without the irritation. Other women simply like to spice things up sometimes with sex in a bath tub or shower. When it come to "water sex", a silicone-based lubricant such as Pure Romance Pure Pleasure is a better choice because it won't get washed away in the tub or shower.
4 Sex should not be painful. Many women experience uncomfortable or painful sex from time to time. Often, a few useful tips can be of help. In my experience, encouraging women and their partners to spend more time on foreplay (which increases vaginal lubrication and helps to expand the vagina), to use a non-irritating lubricant, and to choose positions that give her more control over her body (such as woman on top) have helped many women to have more enjoyable sex without the pain. However, about 15% of women may have a medical condition called vulvodynia, which refers to female genital pain. This pain may occur during sex or even during daily activities such as riding in a car or sitting down at work. Women who have ongoing genital pain or questions about their pain might find it helpul to connect with The National Vulvodynia Association (www.nva.org) for information, support and healthcare provider referrals.
5 Self-pleasuring is good for women. Masturbation is a healthy part of sexuality for many women. In addition, sexual pleasuring (alone or with a partner) can actually keep a woman's genitals healthy by drawing blood flow and oxygen to the genitals and helping to lubricate and keep the vagina moist, all of which can keep the vaginal and vulvar skin strong and healthy. To learn more about vaginal health, read The V Book: A Doctor's Guide to Complete Vulvovaginal Health.
6 All women have a g-spot. The g-spot is an area of the vagina that some scientists decided to name "the g-spot" because it had been noticed that it was a particularly sensitive area, when stimulated, for some women. That said, just because we all have this area of the vagina (about 1 or 2 inches inside the vagina, on the front wall) doesn't mean that we all find it pleasurable or orgasmic when the g-spot is stimulated. If a woman wants to explore her g-spot, she might find it easier to do so with a bedroom toy, perhaps laying face down on the bed (which puts gentle pressure on the front wall of the vagina).
7 Size may not matter - but fit does. Rather than worrying whether you or your partner are too big or too small, if sex doesn't feel the way you want it to, consider how your bodies fit together. If things feel too "roomy", try using less lubricant or keep a towel nearby to occasionally "dry things off". If penetration feels uncomfortable, you might want to add more lubricant, or take things more slowly (or gently). Also, consider expanding your definition of sex to include oral sex, finger stimulation, toy play, watching each other self-pleasure, passionate kissing or making out, sensual touching and bathing together - activities for which neither size nor fit matter much at all.
8 Stay strong as you age. Aging can throw us a few curveballs. Stay strong by practicing your Kegel exercises which can help with incontinence issues as well as sexual pleasure. Squeeze and release your PC muscles (the same one that, as you're urinating, can stop the flow of urine with a quick squeeze) a few times a day for about 3 to 5 minutes per session. It's a habit that can really pay off over your lifetime.
9 "Bouncing back" after pregnancy takes time. Many healthcare providers tell women that they can resume intercourse six weeks after giving birth. Of course, not all women are ready to get back in the game so quickly. Given the life changes that come with having a new baby in your life (read: lack of sleep, breastfeeding, changes in your relationship) many women and their partners don't resume regular sex until 6 months or even a year following the birth of a new baby. Couples who still crave intimacy often get creative when it comes to sexual sharing - stealing five minutes here and there, snuggling on the couch to promote intimacy, or making the most of your child's time with a babysitter to reclaim your closeness to your partner.
10 Stay healthy, stay sexy. A healthy lifestyle has more to do with sex than you might guess. Gear up for the decades ahead of you by staying fit (ask your healthcare provider what types of exercise like walking, running, cycling, swimming, or team sports might be right for you), eating well (heavy on fruits, vegetable, whole grains and lean proteins), and stearing clear of smoking (it can wreak havoc on your cardiovascular system which has everything to with women's lubrication and men's erections).
11 Your gynecological health matters. Whether or not you are sexually active, you should continue checking with your healthcare provider at least once each year for an annual gynecological exam and learn how often you need a Pap test (some women need Pap tests every 3-6 months; other women may go three years without needing a Pap test). Many insurance companies even allow women to identify their gynecologist as their promary care provider.
12 Mind-body connection. How you feel inside your head can have a lot to do with how you feel about your body and about being sexual with another person. Relaxation can make it easier to orgasm. Telling your partner about your feelings and about what hurts you (as well as what makes you feel good) can help to ease tension between the two of you, identify relationship problems as they come up (rather than months later) and celebrate what's good about your relationship - all of which can help you to feel closer and more apt to be physically intimate.
13 Importance of touch. Touch is crucial to relationships. Don't skimp on hugging, hand holding or cuddling with each other. Touch can help couples to feel closer, to feel loved and to feel relaxed.
14 Every body can be sexy. With society's focus on body size and shape, it's good to step back and remember that we can all be incredibly sexy regardless of our height, weight, or where our curves do (or don't) fall. It's often said that our biggest sex organ is our brain, which speaks to the importance of how we feel about ourselves and our sexual state of mind. Think sexy and you will be sexy.
15 Sex can be great at any age. Whether you're 18 or 80, you can have a wonderful, satisfying, exciting sex life. You can expect changes in your emotional feelings and your physical feelings and in how your body works, and these changes can present you with new experiences and the potential for an enjoyable, sexual life. But, then again, variety is the spice of life - and sex!
The Patty Brisben Foundation participates in several collaborative research studies with various universities including Indiana University. One of the largest research studies is currently headed by Debby Herbenick PhD, MPH, Associate Director of SHRWG (Sexual Health Research Working Group) at Indiana University. She is also a Research Associate for the Department of Applied Health Science and a Health Educator at The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction. In addition, Dr. Herbenick works as a sex columnist for various newspapers and magazines across the nation
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